Sunday, July 24, 2011

I Need a Pick-Me-Up

Tonight is a day where I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I am depressive and overall, unhappy. I feel like a burden to so many people right now. Lately, I have been craving some serious girl time where I can get out and enjoy myself. I have been trying to connect with close friends and continuously, am treated like an inconvenience. I get tired of having to initiate conversations and place the nice person all the time. I am done with being nice and not putting myself first. I hate feeling this low and sad, it's not me and I am not comfy with it.

Add the fertility issues to the stress, and I am close to a nervous breakdown. I am the only one who isn't pregnant, despite how hard we try and how much we want it. My heart hurts with sadness that the one thing I want so badly, I haven't been blessed with. I hate talking about my fertility issues, but I can't hold all this pain inside of me. I have faith, I pray and know God has us in the palm of his hands, but some days it's just hard to move on and not think about.

I just need somewhere I can go to find myself in times like this, people who are always there for me to talk to when I feel this low and who will lift me up. I need something to make me happy, someone to rely on. I need somewhere to feel welcomed.

I need help and suggestions on what to do; I can't understand why I don't attract people to me. I need a pen-pal to count on when I feel this crappy. I need a pick-me-up.

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Aww...honey, wish I was there with you so I could give you a big hug and pep talk! I'm probably not the best person to talk about depression with, as you have read that I am dealing with my own sadness...I'm so sorry that you are not pregnant yet..have you been to see a doctor? My sister in law has been trying for years to get pregnant, and in that time, I had 2 babies...it was very hard for her...I know you probably hear a lot of "when its meant to happen it will happen" people have good intentions but sometimes even words sting...I am also wanting a girls night out..but my friends do not have kids and its hard sometimes for me to relate to them and they can't understand why I just can't go out whenever I want...if only we lived close, or even in the same country lol..I would take you out to get your mind off all the negative stuff...I know what helps me when I am in a funk is to think of all the horrible things in the world...and that helps me to realize I should not be so sad..there are people who have bigger issues, they might not able to afford to feed their own children..it really makes me realize my problems are not so bad in the big picture..you should be getting a parcel from me this week...I will cross my fingers that it might cheer you up some..I've gotta run but don't be so hard on yourself..your beautiful with a wonderful husband! *hugs* xxoo Amanda

Josh and Jennifer said...

Awww you are sooo sweet!!! Did you have my new address, the P.O. box on in Roff? You are so so right too about thinking about people who are struggling or have it worse than me. I needed that, so thanks a lot! Hope all is well with you :)

Amanda said...

Oh, Gosh...maybe its your old address that I have..can you email your new one to me..runlararun at gmail.com
I've been having so much fun picking out stuff for you..I've got sooo much..I love shopping my stash..I'm trying to include some local stuff too for you to try..too bad I couldn't mail you a lobster lol..we are famous for our shellfish here in the east coast of Canada!

Josh and Jennifer said...

HAHAH lobster is yummy and Josh is a seafood fanatic, so that is too bad!I am sending you my email now. I will be sending you a box out soon too :)