Tonight is a day where I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I am depressive and overall, unhappy. I feel like a burden to so many people right now. Lately, I have been craving some serious girl time where I can get out and enjoy myself. I have been trying to connect with close friends and continuously, am treated like an inconvenience. I get tired of having to initiate conversations and place the nice person all the time. I am done with being nice and not putting myself first. I hate feeling this low and sad, it's not me and I am not comfy with it.
Add the fertility issues to the stress, and I am close to a nervous breakdown. I am the only one who isn't pregnant, despite how hard we try and how much we want it. My heart hurts with sadness that the one thing I want so badly, I haven't been blessed with. I hate talking about my fertility issues, but I can't hold all this pain inside of me. I have faith, I pray and know God has us in the palm of his hands, but some days it's just hard to move on and not think about.
I just need somewhere I can go to find myself in times like this, people who are always there for me to talk to when I feel this low and who will lift me up. I need something to make me happy, someone to rely on. I need somewhere to feel welcomed.
I need help and suggestions on what to do; I can't understand why I don't attract people to me. I need a pen-pal to count on when I feel this crappy. I need a pick-me-up.